“In the service of demystifying
Love and War in Intimate Relationships,
Solomon and Tatkin have woven together coherent narratives of sessions
with couples and correlated them with commentary on their therapeutic
rationale and the theoretical basis to produce a brilliant and luminous
integration of attachment theory, neuroscience and mindfulness. In this
innovative couple’s therapy, they have documented the healing power of
couples learning to take care of each other and put to rest the myth of
the healing capacity of the autonomous self. I recommend this
instructive book to all therapists, but especially to therapists who
want to help couples co-regulate and co-heal each other.”
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.,
Imago Therapy Institute; Author
of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
and
Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved
“Within these pages you will find a
fascinating presentation of basic principles that can transform how you
understand and carry out couples’ therapy.
Combining the creative minds of two
leaders in the field of helping relationships heal,
Love
and War in Intimate Relationships
carries us into this new way of thinking by drawing on two important
bodies of knowledge:
attachment research and neuroscience.”
Daniel J. Siegel, Mindsight
Institute; Author of
The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of
Well-Being, and
The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape
Who We Are
“In Love and
War, the authors skillfully translate
ideas from neuroscience, regulation theory, and attachment research into
hopeful, practical and accessible interventions for working with the
here and now experience of couples in therapy. You will find yourself
on a compelling journey through the complexities of relationships as
each author's unique approach is elucidated through case examples. A
new lens on couple therapy, this book will revolutionize the way you
work with partners and the way you view relationships.”
Pat Ogden, Sensorimotor
Psychotherapy Institute; Author of
Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy
“What a gift!
Tatkin and Solomon offer us the most illuminating and creative work on
couple therapy to be published in a long time. Through a variety of
cases, they artfully explain why loving partners go to war with each
other and they give a fascinating demonstration of how to apply biology,
physiology, attachment and arousal regulation in moment-to-moment
interactions. This book will be eye-opening no matter what your
theoretical orientation is.”
Ellyn Bader, Ph.D., The Couples
Institute; Author of In Quest of the
Mythical Mate, High Impact Couples,
and Tell Me No Lies.
“In this cutting edge volume, Solomon and
Tatkin make an important and unique contribution to a deeper
understanding of the treatment of couples. These master clinicians have
creatively integrated very recent neuroscience, attachment theory,
updated models of relational psychotherapy, and rich case material to
produce a clinically complex and scientifically-based approach to
working more effectively with both the minds and the bodies of both
members of an intimate dyad. This book should be part of the working
library of any clinician whose practice is informed by the ongoing
paradigm shift in psychotherapy.”
Allan N. Schore,
Author of Affect Dysregulation and Disorders of the Self, and
Affect Regulation and the Repair of the Self
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“I really enjoyed this book and learned a
lot from it that I can use as a therapist. Stan Tatkin is a great
innovator. This book is a must for every couples’ therapist’s library.”
—John
Gottman,
author of
The Science of Trust
“Reading Stan Tatkin’s book makes you want to
be in therapy with him. With intense and fearless clarity, he takes you
into the trenches of the combative human brain and shows you how to make
love, not war.”
—Esther
Perel, LMFT,
author of
Mating in Captivity
“In my view, Wired for Love
by Stan Tatkin is more than an addition to the vast literature directed
to couples. It is more than a brilliant integration of recent brain
research with the insights of attachment theory; it is an instance of an
emergent literature expressing a new paradigm of couplehood. This is no
small achievement: this book will help couples flourish in their
relationships and it will aid the professionals who want to help couples
be more effective.”
—Harville
Hendrix, Ph. D., Imago Therapy Institute; Author of
Getting the Love You Want
“This book is grounded in the latest brain
science, as well as being wonderfully friendly, encouraging, and
practical. It shows readers how to stay out of stay out of dead-end
conflicts and instead light up the neural circuits of empathy, skillful
communication, and love. A marvelous resource.
This book… shows readers how to stay out of
stay out of dead-end conflicts and instead light up the neural circuits
of empathy, skillful communication, and love.””
—Rick
Hanson, PhD,
author of Buddha's Brain
“Stan
Tatkin shows how our couple relationships would look if we took
seriously what attachment theory and neuroscience research has taught
us.”
—Dan
Wile,
author of
After the Honeymoon
"Wired
for Love challenges partners to
experience their relationship in a totally new way.
Partners will learn how to engage
positively as a couple to help each other feel safe and secure by
following the relationship exercises suggested in this exciting new
book. In clear, concise language, Tatkin describes the ways that
partners can understand and become experts on one another. He suggests
building a ‘couple bubble’ wherein each partner is the most important
person in the other’s life, the one individual on whom the partner can
always count.
Tatkin’s model, based
upon neuroscience, attachment and moment-to-moment arousal, helps
couples keep their bonds fresh and alive. Among the messages
interspersed throughout this book are: finding ways to become
experts on one another, knowing the three or four things that make a
partner feel good, spontaneously
making the partner feel happy and
loved, avoiding the things that make the other feel bad, managing one
another’s highs and lows, knowing what to do when things go awry,
learning how to fight fair and have a win-win relationship that reduces
stress.
This is a book written for partners who want to
be in a thriving relationship, but is also an excellent primer for
psychotherapists who want to help their patients engage in and maintain
successful relationships.”
—Marion
F. Solomon,
director of clinical training at Lifespan Learning Institute and author
of
Narcissism and Intimacy,
Lean on Me, and other books
“Read this book to discover a multitude of new
ways to enliven your relationship and end needless conflicts. Stan
Tatkin is one of the most innovative thinkers in the couples
relationship world today. It's impossible to read this book without
learning new patterns to enhance your love.”
—Ellyn Bader,
PhD, co-creator of the
developmental model of couples therapy and co-director of The Couples
Institute in Menlo Park, CA
“If
you feel lost, confused or alone in your relationship, get this book
right now. You will finally make sense out of chaos and pain. This is
your map to go from frustration and insecurity to realize the potential
of why you initially got together. Stan Tatkin’s insightful book will
teach you to work as a team to make your relationship journey safe,
engaging, and deeply satisfying.”
—Peter
Pearson, PhD,
couples therapy
specialist and cofounder of The Couples Institute in
Menlo Park,
CA
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